Lighting Bridges
by Sky Rose Fang
Summary: My little oneshot as to why Kensi has been being difficult since her return from Afghanistan. UBER ANGSTY BEWARE! may be a little AU, not sure where the show is up to. I am depressingly behind. T only cause of the angst (no spoilers here)


Lighting bridges

A/N: the title is a play on the saying "don't burn your bridges when you cross them". I'm not entirely caught up with NCIS LA, but this is my attempt to explain why Kensi has been being difficult since she came back from Afghanistan it may be a little AU I guess since I'm not caught up. SHORT BUT UBER ANGTSY AND WILL AGONISE YOUR FEELS!

A/N: going to switch between normal and italics, normal script is Deeks' POV the italics are Kensi's

A/N: I don't own the show just the pains

Deeks knocked on her door, he'd shown up with yummy, yummy heart attack and a plan to give her no choice to let him in, just like she did to him after his torture when he was pulling away. He heard scuffling behind the door and braced himself for getting it slammed in his face. When it opened he didn't even give her a second to say 'hi' before he walked in with "I brought yummy, yummy. They got another 'F' while you were away but they're still growing strong."

_He'd cornered her like she had done to him, 'no fair using my own play against me. I'm not ready to talk about it, you were.' She thought to herself, not saying a word as she sat down on the lounge as far from him as possible, he looked at her with a frown. Normally they sat so close but at the moment she couldn't, not after what she's done to him. What had happened when she was over there. He'll never forgive her for it. She doesn't forgive her for it. Opening up the box, she attempts to avoid his questions by eating food that has no appeal to her anymore, no food does. Nothing does not really, not since…_

"Kens, we need to talk." Deeks said softly, she just shoved another fork full of food in her mouth in an attempt to avoid answering, he knew it was a ploy because she talks with food in her mouth all the time. "Kensi, come on, talk to me. What been going on." He said, another fork and no answer. "Please Kens, talk to me?" he begged no answer, this time as the fork went back into the Chinese food box he put his hand over the top to stop her bringing it back out, "Kensi I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Talk to me. Please. Please." The last please as a beg Kensi looked into his eyes with tears in her own, the dam broke and the tears spilled. He took the container out of her now pliant hands and pulled him into his arms holding her. He didn't yet know what had happened but he knew it was bad. His girl never cried.

_He held her so tight, she felt safe. He wouldn't want to hold her once he knew. The pain was too much and she knew she needed to talk about it, what she lost. What they lost but she couldn't make the words come out through the tears and sobs that were wracking her body. She didn't how long it was he held her for but it felt like forever..._

When her bodies shaking started to slow he held her tight, thinking maybe he cried herself into exhaustion he moved to pick her up, "don't go" her voice seemed so weak and fragile in those two words his heart nearly broke then and there. "I'm not going anywhere Kens, I was going to take you into your bed, I thought maybe you'd fallen asleep and well it's more comfortable in there then in here." She just shook her head curling into a ball and snuggling into Deeks' lap. It was another ten minutes before she spoke up again, he had just held her tight and let her go her own pace, "I lost our baby." The pain I her voice sliced through him faster than the pain the words created in him. "I didn't know, I swear." She begged on a whisper, "You couldn't have known princess, you couldn't have. We only had a week, no time at all" he answered holding her tighter. "I was so happy when I found out, it was only a few hours before I left to go after Jack." She whispered to him in explanation. He didn't want to let her go, he wanted to hold her forever and hide her away from all the pain. "when they hurt me I tried to protect my belly, I guess they worked out why so they kicked me, they kicked me so many times I lost count in the pain. I'm so sorry Deeks, I'm so sorry." She choked out before another round of sobs shot through her, he picked her up in his arms, tears streaming down both their faces and took her to her room. He laid them both down on the bed and just held her tight, he didn't sleep thinking about the child they'd lost until the sun came over the horizon.

She cried herself to sleep but as the sun lit up the room and she began to stir, he tightened his arms around her again, in warning it was only him. The few other times they'd fallen asleep together, he'd learned that half asleep Kensi, while adorably snuggly had a tendency to panic if she wakes up with someone there. "Morning sweetheart." Deeks whispered with a kiss to her temple, Kensi snuggled further into his arms, burying her face in his chest where a muffled "you stayed" came from, "I'll stay forever Kensi." He answered, she didn't reply but she did wrap her arms around his midsection and gave a squeeze. It wasn't okay now but it will be, because they were in it together now.


End file.
